I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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