I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
