So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
