listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
