Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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