I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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