i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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