when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize