loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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