I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
