Rock
Scissors
Fuck
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
