I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
