She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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