Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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