Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
