why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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