The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
