i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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