We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
