Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
