ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
