So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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