Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
