I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
