wanna go halves on a baby?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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