I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
