meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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