I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
