Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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