My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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