so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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