Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
