he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
