Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
