The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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