Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
