You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize