i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We left an ass print on the piano.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
