bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
