hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
