I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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