Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
