It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
