my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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