if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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