hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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