just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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