What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
