In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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