ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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