I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
