I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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