I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
