walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
