He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
