Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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