If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
