My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
