No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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