dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
