Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
